When We Pray For Our Children

I have an overwhelming desire as a mother, to see my children develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I don’t mean when they ask Jesus to save them. I mean an intentional walk with God. I do not want them to have a relationship with Mommy’s God. I want Him to be their own. The one they love and serve because He is their God. I pray passionately for this.

I remember the Bible story of when God asked Abraham to take and sacrifice his son Isaac. God had no intention of asking one human to sacrifice another but he was testing Abraham to see how far he would trust him. I guess, if you are about to make a man the father of a great nation, then the test of obedience and faithfulness might be a little greater than the average guy. Side note: Abraham did not know that so he was truly a man of faith! However, I don’t think Abraham was the only life that a work was being done in that day. I think God was working in Isaac.

Isaac followed his earthly father in complete trust up the side of that mountain. He did not struggle when he was being bound and laid on the altar. We have no record that he cried out in fear as Abraham raised the knife above his head and was going to follow in obedience the whole way. When God spoke and told Abraham to stop, and then revealed that this was a test of faith, Abraham was not the only one who learned something. I think the transition was made that day in Isaac’s life. God became very personal to Isaac that day. You see, God had rescued Isaac. God made a difference in Isaac’s life and Isaac had a new view of God. He was his Redeemer now – not just his father’s.

This leads me back to my children and praying that God will be their God. I desire that. I pray for that. But do I really want it? Do I really understand and accept what this may mean? I think to my own childhood. I remember my mother passionately praying for my siblings and I that we would also serve our God. Would you like to know something? All of my siblings are in church and serving God. My sister, Niki, is married to a pastor. I am married to a pastor. My brother, Nathan, is a faithful and strong leader in his local church. My brother, Nevin, pastors a church he started in the far northwest. My brother, Asher, has surrendered his life to serving God in ministry and is faithfully involved in his church. My two younger siblings, Cierra and John, still live at home with my parents and they love their church also.

Now allow me to share something else. My sister, Niki, and her husband went through 11 painful years of barrenness. The Lord did not give them children the way they thought He would. I became paralyzed and face the rest of my life in a wheelchair. My brother, Nathan, went through a divorce. My brother, Nevin, has faced loneliness and financial hardship as they have stepped out to live a life of faith far away from all their family. My three younger siblings are all adopted and have their own issues they will still face in life.

I am telling you that the awful things that have happened in our lives are in answer to our mother’s prayers. Did she pray that my sister would not bear children? Did she pray that I would become paralyzed? Did she pray that my brother’s marriage would not make it? Did she pray for my brother and her grandchildren to live far away from her? No. But she prayed that we would have a real relationship with God. These things have made each of us to seek for our God – not the God of our mother. We needed His help. We needed His redemption. We needed Him to be real and to show Himself to us. We all faced a place where we were at the end of ourselves and that is where we found Him.

When we pray for our children, we must realize that God will also write their story. They may face some terribly hard times and as a mother, it will be very hard to watch our children go through these things. We must keep our focus right where it needs to be though. We must keep praying for them and be encouraged! God is working in their lives to bring them to the very place we prayed they would be!

As the child of a praying mother, I am very thankful for God’s work in my own life. God keeps me in a place where I cling to Him and I am so overwhelmed with gratitude that He is my God!!

As a praying mother for my children, I am preparing myself. Because God desires them even more than I do, He will work in there lives to draw them to the place where He is their God. I am already praying for them that they will respond in running to the Lord and not away from Him.

May God bless all praying Momma’s and give us the courage to face the days when God makes Himself real to our children in answer to our prayers.

Tags: faith, faith abraham, religion, spirituality

I’m A Winner!!!

I am a winner! No, not of the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation’s 2012 Best Mom on Wheels contest. But I am still a winner! Not in the conceited way that you may think I mean so I better explain!

There are a lot of great mom’s out their who are on wheels. I am so happy for the lady that won! She really deserved this award. She has been on wheels for a long time, has raised a daughter into adulthood, and now has grandchildren she adores. She has allowed her paralysis to be a voice for positive change in our disabled community. I really hope that you will take the time to read her full story. Her name is Edna Escher-Gaston.

I was very humbled when my amazing hubby nominated me for this. He looks for ways to be able to encourage and praise me. It pleases me so much that he is proud of me and that I am not a burden to him. I love him for being my greatest cheerleader and for letting me do things that scare him to death! The very first reason that I am a winner, is because no matter what, this man is in my corner and that makes me so secure and confident that it makes me ready to take on whatever comes my way. How can you not be a winner with a man like that!

I just celebrated Mother’s Day and the ones that call me “Mommy” are the second reason I am a winner. My children bring me so much joy. If I happen to feel down, all I need is a few minutes around my troop and my spirits lift right back up. As long as my kids think I am the best mom on wheels, then I don’t have to win a contest to be a winner.

Then, the last reason I am a winner is because of you – my dear friends and family! Many people are fortunate to be able to live their lives and name one or two people that they have been able to call friend. I am surrounded by so many dear friends that it overwhelms me with gratitude. I don’t know if you all realize how much your support and encouragement cheer me on, but I don’t want to miss an opportunity to let you know how much it means to me. Not just in a contest, but in every aspect of my life.

I don’t want this to sound like some kind of acceptance speech (and it is sounding dangerously close!) but I just really wanted to thank everyone for your outpouring of love for me. So thank you Jimmy, children and friends and family!! I love all of you!

My Solo Bird

This week has been a little rough for me physically. I have definitely not been on the top of my game! I have seen the doctor and am on my antibiotics and I am starting to come out of my funk. When I get an infection, it affects my whole system and can really shut me down!

Last night, I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and had a lot of pain. I was trying to adjust and re-adjust and couldn’t get rolled where I wanted. I didn’t want to wake up Jimmy (because I hate waking him when he is resting so well) and was feeling quite aggravated that I couldn’t get situated without so much pain. I was debating on having a pity-party right there in the middle of the night when I heard it.

One little bird, in the darkest of the night, singing her little heart out! It was a message straight from God to me! You know what my little solo bird said to me? She said, “Alicia, join me. Sing praises to your Creator. When all the world is silent, when no one knows, when the hour is the darkest, sing!”

No, I did not break out in song and wake up my husband. But as I lay there listening to my little friend outside my window, I started thanking the Lord for all of His blessings in my life. That is the last thing I remember. I was back asleep and woke refreshed and feeling much better this morning.

Thank you, Lord, for sending Your message to me in the form of my little solo bird!

You Raise Me Up

Yes, I know this is the title to a song but I am going to steal it for the title of this post. I have been very busy and have not had enough time to get on here and write down my thoughts but I have been thinking about this and just am going to bust if I don’t share!

Friendship has always been very important to me, but never so much as it means since the wheelchair and I have decided to partner. I have met many other people online who talk about how they lost all their friends once they became paralyzed, and I don’t understand. I don’t say that harshly because it makes me very sad for them. But for me, that has not been the case. Only love and care and genuine concern and prayers have been sent my way.

Recently, we were at a conference where the theme was Truth, Friendship and World Evangelism. One night, I was going to be singing on the platform….with two different sets of steps. Friends literally picked me up and carried me up to where I was supposed to be. They did that more than once that week. I have thought of that often.

I have reviewed that scene in my mind many times and I thought to myself that this is what friendship is really all about. A friend picks you up and helps you get to where you need to be. How simple and beautiful is that? My disability has brought me to a physical place where I have to have a real expression of being lifted up from my friends. I pray that I am the kind of friend that can repay that in my interaction with you. No, I can’t physically pick you up, but I hope that I can raise you up in your heart and help you get to where you are going!

Thank you dear friends for raising me up!!

My dearest friends who raise me up every day!

I Wonder

As a believer in Jesus Christ, I celebrated His resurrection from the dead yesterday. I love reading the story of the resurrection in God’s Word. Yesterday, I was reading and took notice of the guards that watched the tomb.

“In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre. And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow: And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.“

My wild imagination got a hold of me and I began to wonder.

I wonder if these guards were part of the original Roman army that had taken the orders that taxes must be paid in Bethlehem.

I wonder if these guards were involved in the murdering of hundreds of children in order to try to kill Jesus as a child.

I wonder if these were some of the same guards that would have witnessed some of Jesus’ miracles and watched Him as He taught the people.

I wonder if the guards of the tomb were part of the group of soldiers that arrested Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

I wonder if the guards of the tomb were part of the scourging and beating of my Lord.

I wonder if  those particular guards held the whip, braided the crown of thorns, spit in His face, plucked His beard from His face or drove the spikes into His hands and feet.

I wonder if those particular guards were the ones who asked Simon to help carry His cross.

I wonder if they were the ones who nailed the sign above His head.

I wonder if those guards were the ones who gambled over His clothes.

I wonder if they were the ones who gave him vinegar.

I wonder if they heard the conversation of compassion that was exchanged between Jesus and the thief hanging next to Him.

I wonder if they were puzzled that Jesus would still be reaching out to others in His greatest time of suffering.

I wonder if their hearts were softened as they watched Him suffer without a word.

I wonder if the cry of “IT IS FINISHED” that pierced the silence also pierced their hearts.

I wonder if it was the shaking of the earth, or the shaking of their very souls that brought out their words, “Truly, this was the Son of God.”

I wonder if those guards, that were pointlessly guarding that tomb, volunteered for that job because they had a curiosity that wanted to see the rest of the story.

I wonder if when these guards “were as dead men”, after witnessing Christ’s glorious triumph over death, if it was because they knew how terribly dead they were in their sins.

Is it possible that these guards saw the complete life of Christ flash before their eyes and it all suddenly made sense? Do you think they realized that the One they tried to destroy was the only Only who could give them life? Could it be that even in the moment of His victory over death, that Christ reached out and captured the hearts of these guards who only thought they had captured Him?

I wonder.

 

Panic!!!!

I had a dream. It was not a good dream. I awoke panicked out of my mind! Ever had those kind of dreams? In this dream, there was a tornado approaching  our house. I could see it coming. I was yelling for the children to hurry and come downstairs. I don’t know where Jimmy was in this dream but he was not here. I was trying to gather the little ones but I couldn’t get them all gathered quickly. I couldn’t get my wheelchair downstairs. I was yelling, “Kids just go!! Hurry downstairs!!” And then I couldn’t see the little ones. I awoke right then! My heart was racing and I just lay there making sure of my surroundings and that I was still in my room and not buried under my house. It was horrible. I hugged my little ones extra tight when I saw them in the morning.

I want to share another panicky thing that happened but it wasn’t me. It was Elisha – my precious 2 yr. old. It was after church on a Wednesday night and he had made his rounds to all the “candy” people who spoil him with their loot. I was talking and he rushed up to me and panic was all over his face. His eyes were wild and I knew immediately that he was choking. I did not hesitate for one second. I didn’t even think. I grabbed him up, threw him belly first across my lap and slapped his back very hard! In one swift move, the candy flew out of his mouth and landed about 5 feet away! He sat up and smiled and threw his arms around my neck. I grabbed him and squeezed tight thanking God over and over that he ran to his mommy when he choked. You want to know what panics me more than wheelchairs in tornadoes and my children choking? Several things!

I panic when I think about forgetting the many wonderful things God has taught me in suffering because things are going better at the moment. I panic when I think about teaching my children one thing but living inconsistently with those teachings. I panic when I think about the wicked sinner that I am but living like I am better than everyone else. I panic when I stop and think about God’s love in my life, and knowing that I don’t show it to others. I panic when I get fat and sassy in my Christian life, and therefore feel that I no longer need the daily nutrition of God’s Word. I panic when I am a huge advocate of loving my husband and my children and not only loving them but enjoying them, and then they are the first ones I get the most aggravated at and can sure make their lives miserable. I panic when I look around and see how quickly my children are growing up and how short of a time I really have to invest in their lives, and then still let a day go by and I really haven’t done anything specific with them that day.  I could probably go on and on if I just kept thinking, but this list is making me panic!! You know why? Because I am so guilty of every one of these things. How then do I keep from living in a constant state of panic? Let me go back to my stories.

First, in the story of my dream. It was a dream. It really hadn’t happened. It was a part of my wild imagination and secret fears. I woke up in a real state of panic over something that wasn’t even real. I remind myself that the things I am panicking over, do not have to be reality. They are threats, and have been reality at times. But they do not have to be my present reality. I had no power to do anything about my dream but in reality I do. I can change these things through the power of Christ in me. So I can live in constant fear or I can live in determination to make some changes. In my life, those changes are constantly being tested and changed, but it is always a work in progress. I want to be a real Christian. Not in word. Not in what you read here. But real in my home. Real to those who know and love me the most. Real to the ones who it matters to the most. If my family doesn’t get the real me, then no one else matters. I can fool a lot of people, but I will never be able to fool them.

Secondly,  in the story of Elisha choking. He panicked and he knew who to run to. I did not ask him if he was choking.  I did not ask who gave him that hard candy. I did not scold him for walking around with hard candy in his mouth. I saw what was going on, I knew what had happened and I fixed it. He never said a word. His panic said it all. You know what? God is just like that with us. When we feel panicked by something, that is the trigger that says, “RUN TO GOD!!!”. I love that God created the panic button in my life. It is the red line to the top. It is my signal that I am in trouble and I need His help. You want to know what is even greater? I don’t even have to tell Him. I have to turn to Him. That is all He requires. It is my heart that cries out to Him and He hears my cry and delivers me.

The greatest consolation in my life for all my panic buttons, is that God is right there to take care of me. There is a lot out there in this big world to panic us. But I have a God Who is a lot bigger than anything this world can offer and He has it all in His control. My prayer is that my family will know me as one who does fail, but has a God Who loves to take my failures and deliver me from myself. In that, there is no panic.

Paralyzed 3 Years Today

Today is the third anniversary of when I became paralyzed. This really isn’t a day that you mark on your calendar to celebrate but it is definitely a date that you never forget. At least, I haven’t remembered how to forget yet. I knew I would post on this day and have been thinking about what I wanted to say to define where I think I am at this point of life in relation to my paralysis. Since it is the third anniversary, I decided to stick with the “three” theme and focus on the three areas of my life that paralysis has affected.

1. Physically

I sit in a wheelchair and so I obviously have been affected physically. I have shared in this article how that paralysis affects so much more than just your legs not moving. I won’t go into all the details in this post as you can read the article if you are curious. In regards to how I feel physically at this point of the game, well, that is a toss-up depending on the day you ask me. Apart from all the paralysis drama, I think the thing that I have learned in the past 3 years, is that I have had to learn a new language called “listen to your body”.  Our bodies truly are fearfully and wonderfully made and if you learn to listen to it, you can learn a lot. I know that my bladder needs attention when I get goosebumps and hot flashes at the same time. I know that I need to lay down and rest when the crushed glass I constantly feel like I’m sitting on, becomes shards of glass. I know that I need to stretch out when my legs get jumpy. I know that I can give 200% one day, but will then need the next couple days to take it easy. I have learned all of these things about my physical body in the last 3 years. It has probably only been in this last year, that I have really learned what my new normal is. It is not normal like it used to be, where you only felt bad if you caught a bug, and that is where the frustration can lie. But, I have learned so much about this new body and that makes my health seem a little more predictable and “normal” to me. Time is a patient teacher.

2. Emotionally

The emotions are definitely the hidden side of paralysis…or any disability. Many times, so much focus is given on the physical attentions, that the emotions kind of keep getting swept around but never really cleaned up. I don’t know that there is ever a time when you will not feel any emotion about it. A great loss has occurred and every single nerve pain I feel or the 3 inch step I can’t get up or the shoe I can’t reach under the bed is a reminder of that loss. However, emotions can and should be managed. It is a day like today, that makes me think about this loss. I can’t help it. I don’t know that I want to help it. I think it is probably good to have my moment, and then to move on again and face the next day. Sometimes, there are things we do as a family that can make me feel a little melancholy about it all. A trip to a park where we can no longer hike together or a beautiful historic home I would love to see but has no access can trigger these emotions. I have my moment about it and then we go on with our day and enjoy ourselves. I know life will continue to remind me of these things but I refuse to let life keep me emotional.

As I look backwards, I think that my hardest emotions hit me at year 2.  The first year, I was pregnant and just wanted the baby to be okay. I kind of kept in the back of my head, that maybe – just maybe, when I had him things would improve. Then, I had complications from his delivery and was just trying to recover from surgery. Things didn’t improve after I had him so I then moved on that once I got some real therapy things might improve. The next year I poured my heart and soul into therapy. I worked so hard not only at the PT gym but also at home. I did see small improvements but it hit me that we weren’t going very far. After my therapist and I had a heart to heart talk about defining what walking would look like for me (braces, walker, unbelievable amount of energy), the word permanent really started sinking in. I dealt more with my emotions at that point, than at any other time. I really had to face some feelings that I had not dealt with before. Permanent is a really hard word to swallow when it hits you and so my whole thought processes turned another corner in my life.

I stopped therapy after a year and my life became very busy! Opportunities opened up for me and our family like never before and it was then I realized that life was really, really going to be okay. Permanently okay. When I watched Courageous and when the family is sitting around the table and the dad says, “We are going to be okay. We are going to make it.” That really sums it all up. I cried at that spot because Jimmy and I have had the same conversation. We are going to make it. We are going to be okay. There were times we doubted that, but we have made it this far and we will make it!

Emotions are tricky little things. You must stay in control of them or they will soon run your life. I can’t afford that to happen in my life so I allow myself the luxury of certain frustrations, but then I typically find a way to laugh it off to counteract the opposite effect! It works and I am soon on my way to my happy spot – which is my favorite place to be!

There is one thing that I want to make clear in concluding about my emotions. I am so thankful that I have been given the chance by precious people all over to share my testimony. After those events, so many people tell me how wonderful I am, how inspiring I am, how they could never handle this like I do and I very much appreciate there wonderfully encouraging words. However, I am just a human. I do have to fight against not wanting to smile, of wanting to be hateful when I feel bad, of wanting to get in my little dungeon of self-pity and put a blanket over my head, of  being spiteful about the injustices against the disabled, of wanting to smack people when they say hurtful and stupid things and on and on. However, I have realized that I do have an obligation to other people. I know I am being watched. I am so very thankful for that accountability in my life. Life is never happy when it is all about ourselves. I have come to the conclusion that an inspirational speaker is just a normal person that has to keep themselves inspired so that they can continue to inspire others! Which leads me to my next point.

3. Spiritually

I don’t think I can ever do this category justice. It is very hard for me to describe the work that God has done in my heart and life, in the heart and life of my husband and in my children. I see it the most dramatically in me because I live with myself and I really know what I am thinking. I do not say this flippantly, but I would not go back. I mean it. I would enjoy not being paralyzed, but I would not trade what I have learned through this life-long valley. And that is one thing I had to accept with this whole “permanent” thing – it really is a valley that will not get better. But, the Lord helped me to come to place that it is really okay. If that is what He wants, I am 100% okay with that.

It is amazing the things that God can show you in that valley. While others are skipping above you on their mountain tops, you have learned how to find the sparkling water that runs to soothe your weary soul. You have learned to pause and take in the fragrance of the flowers that are scattered so beautifully across your path. You have learned that the shadow you assumed was a place of darkness, was truly a place of shelter to keep you protected. All of these things are learned in the valley. The valley is where the lush greenery grows in abundance and such beauty can be found in these valleys. But, you have to be willing to be there and look. Not frantically trying to find your way out.

Sometimes I think my heart may just bust wide open when I think about God’s unconditional love for me and that He desires to bring me to a place of fellowship with Him that I have never had before. He has not thrown away the broken one. He has picked her up, comforted her, and promised to heal her in a way completely not defined by man. If she would trust Him to do this, she would walk with Him far better than she ever did before.

After a long night of vivid dreams where I am running and playing with my children, I wake up and see my wheelchair sitting there right by my bed. A little sinking feeling kind of hits me in the gut for a minute but then I remind myself of these things. Physically, I am awake which means I am alive. All is well. Emotionally, the dreams were vivid, but they were dreams. It was a great dream while it lasted but my life with my gang is just as fun in a chair. Different fun, but still very fun. All is well. Spiritually, if God will use me, then I am okay in that chair. I just want Him to use me and not to waste one single day of my life. All is well. Then I get my morning routine going and at the end of the day when I transfer back into that bed and put my chair where it goes to greet me the next morning, I am happy. All is well.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for letting me vent. Thank you for the support system you all are to me. Thank you for allowing me to share my testimony in your lives. Thank you for reading and I know, for praying for me, on this day – year 3 of paralysis.

Other anniversary posts you might enjoy:

6 month anniversary (A humorous, culture-shock view of my new world as I saw it.)

1 year anniversary (I learned so much that first year!)

2 year anniversary (This was the post that inspired my sister to write a beautiful song that will soon be released on our Reunion Trio CD. I can’t wait for you to hear it!)